how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Someone came in the potted fern
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
