I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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