I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
