Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
