So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We just shotgunned beers for America
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you made out with another girl for some wings
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
