How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
