he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
