sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
