Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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