Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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