So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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