how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
