Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
