Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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