And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
