do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
