hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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