Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
