It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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