I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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