i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
