Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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