WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
