There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
