I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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