DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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