so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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