Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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