one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
