all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
His nipple licking is glorious
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