I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
