The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
