I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
