she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize