I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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