Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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