I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
