Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
