What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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