Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
