All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
