Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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