You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
