Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
