There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
