My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
