Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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