Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
