I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
