after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
