Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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