I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
