OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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