that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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