I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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