Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
