so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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