Cold hands, warm shart.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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