I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
