my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My vagina just recognized that song.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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