You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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