and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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