I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
