I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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