Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can tuck mytits in my pants
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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