Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
