please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
