mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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