this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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