we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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