You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
