oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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