How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
