all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
