i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
