you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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