I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
