my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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