Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
pray to the hookup gods
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
