You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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