whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
