Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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