I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
