Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
