Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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