I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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