when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
