I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
